The War Within

Let me start by saying that I don't pretend to be perfect. I know that I am far from it. I also know that there is none perfect, but sometimes people like to act like they are or can be. And that just isn't me. Don't get me wrong, I do strive for perfection, but I know in my heart that, as a human, I will mess up at times. And so I try not to be too hard on myself when I do miss the mark. However, there are certain areas where I seem more likely to mess up. When I do, I ask forgiveness. But one day I was thinking about certain things that I continued to do even after I had repented. And it caused me to question if perhaps I didn't even understand the concept of true repentance. I mean, how can a person say they are sorry, but continue to do the same thing over and over again? I wondered if God even heard those "I'm sorry" prayers if in my heart I knew that I would probably fall into that same sin again. Oh, I might be able to not do it for a while...but is not doing it for a while really attempting to correct the problem in my own strength and then failing when my strength is weak? Is that full reliance on the power of God to help me to overcome this? I don't think it is. Preachers are always talking about relying on God's power, not our own strength. They tell us to put the word into action. Funny thing is, I really never hear much about how to do that. Some days one might think that my life verse is Romans 7:15, which says: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." And the struggle begins...it's like a war within at times. I guess some part of me has always tried to be "good enough." That stems from the abandonment I felt when my father left, and all those feelings that resulted from the hurt. I figured I could do something good enough to make him love me, something to want me back in his life. I hate that those feelings from childhood seem to invade my thoughts even now when I know in my heart that my salvation is not based on anything I do. God's love isn't given because of how good or bad I am. Romans 5:8 is a verse I quote to myself as a reminder..."But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He didn't wait until we were perfect to love us. I can rejoice in that. But that human part of me still struggles with it at times. I want desperately to be pleasing to God. And it hurts me when I fail to do that. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Psalm 51. This is probably the most heartfelt passage regarding repentance and it gives the indication that with true repentance there will be brokenness. So I suppose the question I might ask myself is, "Have I been broken?" Along with that, “Have I seen the sin as God does?” In the beginning of the chapter (verse 4) we see where David says, "Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge." The thing I want to point out is that no matter what sin we commit, it is ultimately a sin against God. As Christians, that alone should break our hearts. But thankfully God continues to show mercy when we have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins when we come to Him with a repentant heart; a heart that desires to turn from the sin. I am so thankful that we have access to him even if we sin. Hebrews 4:15-16 says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need." The devil would like nothing better than for us to be so condemned because of our sin (or even from our temptation) that we turn from God. But those verses remind me that Jesus understands the temptations we face. He faced them as well. But the good news is that his blood provided us access to the throne of grace when we face temptation. We can seek his help without fear. And that is really the only way that we can overcome. Perhaps change doesn't happen as quickly as we would like, but when we delve into His word we will slowly but surely begin to see changes. We will see things from His perspective. And then we can begin putting those things in action because we more fully understand what it is that pleases Him. I often mention the scripture in Philippians 4: 8 that tells us to think on lovely things, true things, pure things, whatever is praiseworthy, etc. I can't stress enough to myself or others the importance of what we think. Temptation begins in our thought life. And sometimes when we focus too much on trying not to think about a particular temptation/sin, we think about it even more. So when temptation comes, and it will, we need to be quick to replace that thought with something else. We need to take deliberate steps to remove ourselves from anything that might influence us to succumb to the temptation.

Philippians 3:10 (Amp) says:

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope].

So, you may be wondering why I threw that verse in. I wanted to point out a couple of things. The beginning statement says, "For my determined purpose." These words are so important. They let us know that it had already been decided, there was a determination to do something. As you read on you see what it was he had decided to do. He wanted to know Christ, and to progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with him, to recognize and understand the wonders of his person more strongly and clearly. Notice if you will that word “progressive.” This implies to me that he knew that this was a process. You don't meet someone and fully understand who they are after one encounter. It takes time and effort to develop intimacy. Once you do develop that intimacy with Christ, you come to a place of knowing the power that is the outflowing from His resurrection. That same power that raised Christ from the dead is now residing within us when we accept Christ. And that is the power source that will enable us to stand against temptation. We just need to learn to tap into it.

Over the years I have had to deal with so much junk from my past. I’ve also had to decipher through so much wrong teaching that I’ve heard all my life and determine what really lined up with God’s word. In the process of dealing with all of this it became quite clear that I lacked freedom. That may sound rather off the wall to say when I am talking about temptation and giving in to it. But think about this…when we have no sense of freedom we often times try to hide our struggles. We feel ashamed. We think no one else has ever faced these things. Basically, we fear being condemned. But if we look at it closely, we would see that this lack of freedom to express to others what we are going through causes us to condemn ourselves. And this keeps us entangled in bondage. Then when we fall into temptation and commit sin, we see no hope. The enemy plays on our shame and begins rambling on about how God could never forgive that or how worthless we are, or whatever he can say to us that will strike those nerves. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”  So you see, we are not alone in our struggles. Others are facing these very common temptations. The good news is that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear. Oh I know it may feel like we can’t bear it at times, but rest assured, we can if we rely on God and his strength rather than our own. Some versions say that he will provide a way of escape when facing temptation. It kind of reminds me of a fire escape in a way. And when I think of it in that way, I think back to my school days when they would have fire drills. Do you remember those? These drills were meant to prepare us for what we would do in the event of a fire. They were a dress rehearsal for facing what would be a tense situation. I kind of think we need to have temptation drills. We know all too well what our weaknesses are. So we need to think of what we will do when we are put in that position of temptation. Plan it out in advance. I think it might help us to escape if we already have it in our mind what we need to do.

I know that I tend to ramble on when I get going, and sometimes I may not clearly convey the message I want you to understand. So to sum it up, let me put it like this….We are all tempted. Have a plan what you need to do to escape the temptation before it happens. Change what you are thinking on when those thoughts come into your mind. There may be times when we give in to the temptation. We need to repent. That repentance needs to be a genuine brokenness over the sin we’ve committed against God. We should always repent with the intention of not repeating it. If we do it again repent again. Continue developing your relationship with God by studying and meditating his word. This will develop an intimacy and help us to more clearly hear what God is saying and to know and understand what he wants from us. It will help us to learn to tap into his power and to rely more fully on his ability to get us through.

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