Who Am I?

I was listening to Kim Walker speaking and she said something that struck a nerve with me. It's kind of what I've been feeling lately. She said that when the singing (the only thing she knew she was good at) was stripped away, she had to ask herself, "Who am I?" I've been in this season of "not singing" for the past 6 months and I too have to ask myself, "Who am I?" I feel like I've drifted somewhat. Don't get me wrong, I love God. I pray. I read the Bible. I listen to preachers and teachers. But it almost seems as if the passion has dwindled. And that shouldn't be. Perhaps I've allowed the busyness of life and the cares of this world to invade my heart more than the love of the God. Did I rely too much on singing to give me passion when my passion should be about God? Maybe this place is exactly where God wants me right now. Maybe it's what I needed to remind me that I need to spend this time seeking to know Him more, to love on Him and to allow His love to embrace me. When you have to lay down that thing that you have held dear for so long, that thing that perhaps has taken the top spot in your life, you discover that it's not about that. Singing to worship God is good, but if I never sang another note, I have to know that I would still love God, still worship Him. So on this day, I surrender any idol to God. I want God more than I want to sing. I want God more than I want to write. All I want is to know Him more and more intimately with each passing day. And out of that overflow, let the praises ring, whether in song, in dance, in writing, in ministering to and serving others, etc. "Set a fire down in my soul...that I can't contain, that I can't control...I want more of You, God...I want more of You." That is my heart's cry.

As we face the election I have heard so much political debate, name calling and bashing of candidates. This year's campaign seems worse than ever. As I was listening to a message on Sunday morning I was reminded that God's word tells us to pray for our leaders. It didn't say to pray only if you like them. In fact, if you don't like them, you should probably be praying even more. I think it becomes really hard to dislike someone if you are praying for them. You see them in a different light. Anyway, later as I prepared to go to bed I decided to read my Bible, to get one more dose of God's word. As I opened the pages it fell to 1 Timothy 2:1-2, which reads:

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

Funny thing, a person on my facebook friends list had mentioned how she heard a message at her church and then later God directed her to a verse that went right along with that. I commented how I loved when God did that kind of thing. It's kind of a confirmation that, yes, God is speaking something to you. It was that night when the same thing happened to me. I am grinning even thinking about it. I am thankful that God took the time to remind me to pray for our president...no matter which candidate wins. He also directed me to that familiar verse in Philippians 4:6-7. It reads:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

The thing that both verses seem to have in common is that, when we present our requests to God and offer thanks, peace is a result. Some days it is hard to lay my cares at Jesus' feet, but by doing so I am trusting that God is in control no matter how things may look. And in this day and age, who doesn't long for peace? I know I do.

"The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, 'Who can bring me down to the ground?' Though you soar like the eagle and make your nest among the stars, from there I will bring you down, declares the Lord."
Obadiah 1:3-4

I realize that this passage wasn't written to Americans per se'. But it's easy to see that it could have been. It is an example of what happens when a nation becomes haughty.This nation (America) has become so prideful in our prosperity that in some ways it has become our god. We've felt invincible. In recent times however, our economy has taken a nosedive and reached crisis levels. As a result, our influence globally is at an all time low.The god of money and power are being brought down. It's kind of funny that the eagle and the stars are mentioned here since these are two things associated with America. It's time that we wake up and realize that God is a jealous God and he wants nothing placed before him. That includes our own self sufficiency. Our reliance should always be on him. When we ignore God, we can rest assured he's not happy. We have to stop taking God out of the equation.

The other day my daughter was talking about how she was fearless prior to having her son. She asked if it was like that for me. I had to be honest. I told her I had never really been fearless. It's kind of sad really. But you know, my childhood was so out of whack that I wanted to feel secure. I felt like I was totally out of control with what was happening in my life. That longing for security seemed to carry over into all areas of my life. Here I am all these years later wishing I had taken more risks, that I had been more fearless. I see people all around me doing great things; things I know were far out of their comfort zone. And I have to ask myself, "What have I done?" Oh, I know that some would say I have stepped out of my comfort zone in some ways...I'd have to agree. But was it enough?

I'm always hearing people talk about their bucket lists. Seems to me these are things people want to do before they die, but possibly haven't had the courage to do until some major life event changed them. I don't want something tragic to occur to push me to doing something exciting and adventurous. And I'm not really talking about just going out and having fun. I want to do things that will matter in regards to the kingdom of God. I want my life to matter. I think that this is what we all want. We want to make a difference in this world. We want to touch the hearts and souls of another human being. We want to make an impact that will be remembered long after we're gone. So we have to ask ourselves what it is that is important in the eyes of God. Those are the things that will count for eternity. And they will require us to step out on the wire. But just remember, we're not without a safety net. God is there to catch us should we fall.

Over the last several months I have felt a change is coming. Being that I am not one who likes change (though I know it is often necessary), I have sought out the familiar and the comfortable in some last ditch effortt to control what's happening. There's an old saying, "you can never go back," and over the years I have found this to be true. No matter how much I may want things to be like they once were, it's just not going to happen. It's kind of like being adrift at sea, hanging onto a life preserver for dear life and wishing that someone would rescue you or that you'd make it to shore safe and sound. No matter how hard you try to steer your course, the wind and waves seem to overpower you and take you wherever they see fit. And you can only hold on for dear life, praying for God to help you make it out alive.

I realize that God is in control of my situation. He knows my every need. And even though I may try to paddle against the current at times, ultimately, he will direct my path. He is in control. So why do I make it so hard? Why do I stress about it? Why can't I just lay it at his feet and leave it there? I need peace, and that only comes when I allow him to guide me without resistance. I know this. I have experienced this.

Years ago I had this friend who was going through some pretty difficult stuff. In the midst of it he remained as he always had been. He didn't seem stressed or strained by it. He didn't moan and complain. If you didn't know what he was going through, you wouldn't have known anything was wrong. That's how I want to be. It shows a total and complete trust in God.

My prayer today is that God would help me to trust him completely, and that in the process of waiting I would find peace in him.

One day I was watching Family Feud and as each contestant stood waiting, hands on their buzzers, the host began to ask the question. Before he got the question out completely one of the contestants slammed their hand onto their button and spewed out some answer. As you can guess, it wasn't one of the top answers on the board. The host then turned to the other contestant and read the question in its entirity. After doing so it was quite clear that the first contestant would have been wise to wait and hear the question in order to understand what was being asked. I thought about this verse in Proverbs 18:13

"He who answers before listening-that is his folly and his shame."

Now, I'm not saying that incident on a game show brought shame to the contestant, but I am guessing it probably brought some degree of embarrassment. It wasn't a wise move to answer without knowing the entire question. This scenario also reminded me of politicians. Often times they are asked random questions and they may give some rash answer without much thought to it. They make promises that realistically they will probably never be able to keep. Had they done more extensive research on the topic they might have known better than to make such promises. But in their attempt to win voters they will say just about anything to please them.

Sometimes (in hindsight usually) it would be easy to see why James 1:19 would tell us to "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." It's foolishness to answer without first listening intently. We need to hear what others have to say (not just with our ears, but with our hearts). Have an open mind and a willingness to admit if you are wrong. A person who answers hastily can easily end up being angered when they are humiliated by their own stupidity. I realize that is not necessarily the anger James is specifically referring to, but it is true all the same. Think about it. Have you ever done or said something foolish and then got angry when someone proved you wrong? So who were you really angry at? The one who showed you truth or yourself?

I guess the point I am really trying to make here is to think before you speak. Know what it is you are responding to when someone asks you questions.  If you don't know the answer don't be too proud to say, "I don't know the answer; I'll have to get back to you on that." Pride goes before a fall. A person who walks in humility is quite refreshing and far more respected than the one who speaks arrogantly.

2 Chronicles 20-A Pattern for Responding to Trials

Okay, after much consideration I have decided to just write the message I wanted to share from 2 Chronicles 20. I didn’t think breaking up the flow by doing short 5 minute clips was a good idea.

Years ago I was going through some pretty intense trials. It wasn’t just a matter of one after another, but rather, one on top of another, on top of another, on top of another. I was having some health issues, financial issues, had taken in two boys (who had issues all their own), counseling for one of the boys and myself, court battles, slanderous accusations, etc. In the midst of all of these things, a lot of junk from my past was being drawn to the surface; things I had thought I was over. So there was a spiritual cleansing going on as well. Any of these things in and of themselves would have been enough to handle so you can imagine having them all hit you at one time. It was quite overwhelming, to say the least. On one particular day my daughter called me at work and told me she had been in a minor car accident. She assured me she was okay, but I wanted to go check for myself. I left work early that day. On my route home I passed by my daughter’s car and could see that any damage was small. This left me feeling reassured that my daughter was okay. When I drove into my driveway however, I saw a fire truck and rescue unit. My first thought was that my daughter was hurt more than she had originally thought. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. Jamie ran out the door to meet me at my car and told me that my house had caught fire. I was speechless as I walked into the house, surveying the damage. My kitchen was covered in soot and ash. It was utterly destroyed. I walked into my bedroom and fell across the bed and just began to weep. In times past I have usually been one to call my family or friends to pray when I’ve been in difficult situations. But this day was different. I cried out to God and said, “No one can help me but You, Lord.” Now, I’m not one to rashly say that God spoke something to me, but it was almost as if I heard an audible voice saying, “Finally you turn to Me.” At this point in time I had been a Christian for several years and I didn’t really understand that. I always prayed to God. So what was this supposed to mean? In the days that followed I would spend quiet time in the mornings meditating on the Word and just really seeking God to help me get through this. During one of my devotions I felt led to turn to 2 Chronicles 20. As I opened to that chapter my eyes immediately fell to the verse about praisers being on the front lines and the enemy being defeated. Having served on a worship team this was a very common passage that I had heard preached or spoken so many times before. It was only natural for me to see that first. But then I felt like God was nudging me to start from the beginning of the chapter. So I read from verse 1 to verse 30. On the surface it was a pretty interesting story, but I didn’t see why I needed to read it. I read it again. I wondered, “What is it you want me to see here, God?” I began reading it again. This time it was like the words came to life and were just leaping from the page at me. God was showing me how this chapter was really a pattern for how we are to respond when facing trials. And that is what I want to share with you today. I won’t type out every verse, but let me encourage you to go read through it before reading through the rest of my notes.

For those who may not have access to their Bible at this moment, let me give a brief synopsis of what is happening. Jehoshaphat was told that a vast army is coming against him. This isn’t just a normal size army. This is a combination of armies. In his own strength and ability, Jehoshaphat knew that he was powerless against them and he was afraid. So he sought the Lord. Afterwards, he called together the people of Judah to fast and pray. He then stood in the assembly and began speaking to God, and to the people gathered there. His speech consisted of him reminding God of how great he (God) was, what he had done in the past, and that they had this agreement that when they were faced with calamity they would call on God and he would hear and save them. He tells God that they don’t know what to do and that their eyes are upon him. The Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel and he began to tell them what God wanted him to say. He basically said not to be discouraged or dismayed, not to fear, that the battle belonged to the Lord and that they wouldn’t even have to fight in it. They were then given instruction about going out as if into battle the next morning. Jehoshaphat and the people worshipped the Lord and then praised. The next morning they appointed singers to go on the front lines and they headed out. As the praisers began to sing praise to God the Lord set ambushments and the enemy was defeated. There was so much spoil that it took days to collect. Jehoshaphat and all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to Jerusalem. The Lord had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies. They went to the temple with harts, lutes, and trumpets. The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard what God had done. And Jehoshaphat had rest on every side.

So what exactly was it that God showed me as I read through these verses? He began showing me a pattern or a guide as to how I should have responded in my trials. I feel that this isn’t just for me, but for every one of us.

In our trials this is how we are to respond:

1.      Seek the Lord. Jehoshaphat didn’t call on his family, his friends, or the people first. His first call was to the Lord. And this should ALWAYS be our first call. I’m not saying that talking to others about what we are going through is bad, but it should never come before we have spoken to God about it. Jehoshaphat knew that in his own strength he was powerless. And guess what. We are powerless too. But God is all powerful. He has the answer to any question we may ask. He is our Rock, our Shield, our help in times of trouble. So why would we seek him last? Jehoshaphat was afraid, but he didn’t let his fear paralyze him. He went to the one who could calm his fear. As I was meditating on this I realized that sometimes I like to try to fix things myself or call on others for prayer before I actually ask God for help.

2.      Enlist the aid of likeminded people. Jehoshaphat called together people who had a common desire, a mutual goal. They wanted what he wanted. Sometimes we are so quick to post our prayer requests to facebook or some other site and we may be asking people who believe completely different than us to pray. But we have to ask ourselves, “What God (or god) are they praying to?” And even amongst so called believers we need to know the Word they believe. If I’m in need of healing I don’t want to ask someone to pray for me who doesn’t believe God still heals. Another thing I want to point out here is that it may be imperative to surround ourselves with people who can encourage and lift us up when we are growing weary from the battle. You may not want to tell everybody the intimate details of what you are going through, but try to find someone who you can trust to confide in if at all possible. The enemy can use isolation as a means to destroy us. When we feel like we are totally alone, that no one has ever experienced what we are experiencing, it can be quite depressing. That depression leads to a discouragement that is difficult to battle. I personally have a group of friends who I feel confident telling intimate details of the trials I am facing. I know that what I say to them will not become the next day’s gossip. I know that they will pray when they say they will. They will encourage me and build me up, and if I am in need of some correction, they will offer it. They don’t judge me based on what I say and they don’t love me any less because of my weaknesses. And they don’t speak negatively. This is a pretty important point. If I need a healing miracle I don’t want someone speaking death over me even if it looks like there is no hope. And if I begin to speak negative they are right there to steer me back to God’s promises.

3.      Stir up your faith. As Jehoshaphat spoke to the assembly, he wasn’t just talking for the sake of talking. Notice that he was telling God who HE was. He was then telling things God had done in the past, and the promise (or agreement) they made regarding times of trials. Now, I don’t for one minute believe that God needed any reminding. By speaking these words, Jehoshaphat was stirring up his faith along with the faith of the people.

4.      Get a Word from God. In Jehoshaphat’s case, he got a word through a prophet. In these times, we don’t need a prophet to tell us what God says. We have access to his written word and can find a word in there at any time. I’m not saying that God can’t use a minister or other person to speak to you, but be cautious about wanting to hear something from a man. I’ve known people who would go church hopping hoping to get some word from someone. I don’t think they really wanted a word from God, but rather, they wanted a word that would line up with what they wanted to do. Anything a person tells you is from God MUST line up with his written word or you can be sure it is not from Him. Once you have found the word God has for you, stand on it, meditate on it daily.

5.      Remember that the battle is not yours, but God’s. I really don’t think this needs any explanation. Let God do the fighting. Trust Him. Keep reminding yourself that the battle belongs to the Lord. You are his child and he will protect you. He will never leave or forsake you. He will walk with you through any trial. Hang onto that.

6.      Worship. I could say so much about that one word. Primarily, worship is first and foremost about placing value on who God is. When we trust who he is, we will be able to take our focus off of the trouble and put it onto him. We will be able to continue serving him, doing those things he instructs us to do in his word. Our worship will be evident in our everyday life, in our service to God and to others. I am reminded of how a child trusts his parents. They may be going through something but when the parent says it will be alright, they believe them. They trust that they will handle it. And they go about their daily business. And this is how we should be. We can cast all of our cares on God and leave them there. *Worship music is also something that can be helpful in helping us maintain focus.*

7.      Do what you know to do. Per God’s instruction, Jehoshaphat had to go out as if into battle. This took a leap of faith. And sometimes, just going through the routine of our day can take that same kind of faith. We have to do what we know to do even when we haven’t yet seen any sign of victory. Jehoshaphat didn’t know exactly how this battle was going to play out. All he knew was that God told him he wouldn’t have to fight and that he was to go out as if he was going into battle. And that is what he did. It had to be a bit scary, and the voice of the enemy was most likely trying to put those ugly thoughts in his head. You know the ones…”I thought God was going to fight the battle. I thought he said you wouldn’t even have to fight. So why are you going to battle? What if he doesn’t meet you there? What if they totally wipe you out?” We can’t allow those thoughts to override what God wants us to do.

8.      Sing praise. I told you that I’ve heard so many ministers speak about the power of praise. One of the things some have said is that praise confuses the enemy. And you know, it does. When you have this intimate relationship with God and you trust Him completely, you will be able to praise Him in the storm. And as you do, people will wonder how you do that. They will know that there is something different about you. And it may be that they end up asking you how you can be so happy when you are facing terrible circumstances. Oh what an opportunity to share Jesus! It’s also a great stress reliever, believe it or not.

9.      You will be blessed. Now, in their case, Jehoshaphat’s army was collecting spoils. Your blessing may not come in a financial form (or it could), but rest assured, when you have taken these steps, you will definitely be blessed to overflowing.

10.  You will have rest. Actually, you should be resting in God even in the battle. But you will have the ultimate rest when you have totally relied on God and seen the victory.

In a previous post I told how I was at the beach and I was reading the story of Hezekiah found in Isaiah 38. It reminded of my cousin Marie who was in a tremendous battle and had been praying, just as Hezekiah did,  for an additional 15 years of life. Even though she didn’t get the extra 15 years, she was a woman who lived out this pattern of response until the day she died. She had the vast army come against her. And yes, she was afraid. She was battling lupus and alopecia when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to get a double mastectomy. For a while it seemed she might actually beat the cancer. But it came back and spread to other areas of her body; her liver, colon and brain. In her fear, she always sought the Lord. She always talked about how he had done things in the past and how she could trust him in her health battle. She worshipped God. She adored him and was quick to share testimonies of how he was at work even in the midst of her battle. She was surrounded by prayer warriors who she could trust to pray, to encourage her, to build her up and to love on her. She often told me that no matter how this thing turned out, she knew that God had a bigger plan than she could see. And she was okay with whatever he decided to do. She continued doing what she knew to do. Not just in the battling cancer, but in her life in general. She tried to live her life just like she had been. She spent time with her family. She prayed and sang and laughed. When someone had a need, she was still there to serve, to help in whatever way possible. She helped me plan a 75^th birthday party for my mother. I could not have done it without her. She helped her sisters and brothers who were in a nursing home. She had found that place of rest in God that we all long for. It’s not coincidental that she enjoyed lighthouses so much. She had pictures of them all throughout her home. Waves would be crashing, storms raging, and there in the midst of it all stood the lighthouse. Jesus was her lighthouse. He kept her from crashing. If one wonders why she was able to maintain a positive attitude, it was because she knew that there was someone bigger than her who could bring about a purpose that she might not be able to see. And she trusted in him. She was blessed beyond measure and would be quick to tell you so. Marie was one of the most inspirational women I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. She was like a sister to me. I will never forget the living example of her trust in God that she displayed before the world. And this is what I strive for. I want to be the person who is so confident in God that nothing I see in the natural can sway me. I want the stress of life to be laid on the altar of sacrifice so that I can enjoy my life resting in God.

In closing let me say, I pray that we all become so reliant on God that our first thought in our trials always goes to him. I want us to have an assurance that he is in control and that he is trustworthy. And I want us to find that place of resting no matter what storms may rage around us.